


Always

by thesilencebeforeastorm



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Crying, Death, HALF CANON, M/M, Memories, Nightmares, Pain, Panic, Ship, Some Fluff, aot - Freeform, jean x marco - Freeform, jeanmarco, reader insert towards the end, slight nsfw, snk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25236259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesilencebeforeastorm/pseuds/thesilencebeforeastorm
Summary: With the death of his boyfriend Marco, Jean is left to deal with the pain as he goes thru their memories together as a couple, in training towards becoming scouts. He has a nightmare of the events that took place.
Relationships: Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy and leave a comment if you like!

Marco was dead.

The memory of seeing the only guy he ever loved dead on the floor, his body decaying, bloody and alone haunted Jean’s mind for the rest of the day well into the night. Seeing all the bodies being cremated, he thought about the encouraging words Marco said to him before about leadership suiting him and that he wasn’t a strong person which was why he could relate to those who were weak. He clutched his fist to his chest and cried in front of the flames in anguish, mad at the world for taking Marco from him. For taking a man who could light up a room when he walked in and didn’t deserve to die.

Everyone went back to their rooms for the night, the only sound being heard were the crickets outside. How could anyone talk or laugh after the horrors they faced that day? 

Jean walked to his door, hesitating to walk in. Shakingly opening the door, he walked in, a chilly breeze hitting him from the window that was slightly cracked. He didn’t want to look but looked anyways at the empty bed on the other side of the room… Marco’s bed. His eyes widened at the realization that Marco wasn’t there anymore and that he would never be. He inhaled a shaky breath followed by clenching his teeth. He removed his uniform and got ready for the night, heading to bed.

He decided it was best for him to sleep facing the wall but as much as he wanted to do that, the sharp pain in his chest wouldn’t let him sleep. He turned around to look at Marco’s bed again, neatly made which was better than how Jean made his. His mind wandered to the past.

Jean didn’t think that he would fall in love with a guy. He was always trying to impress girls but failing miserably like with Mikasa for instance. It wasn’t until him and Marco spent more time together and became close friends that he realized he began to feel something for him. They were total opposites though, Jean being the hot head and Marco being the peacemaker. He was confused at first, unsure of how he felt but it wasn’t until one day when they were both on stable duty that Jean took a chance and went for a quick kiss on the lips, leaving him a blushing mess. Marco was taken aback by his sudden actions but then he gave Jean a soft smile to let him know that things were okay. They were together ever since.

Just the night before he died, he remembered laying in Marco’s bed, something they did often. With his back leaning against his chest and Marco’s arms holding him in a soft embrace, they spoke about what would happen the next day.

~~~~~~~

“You ready for tomorrow?” Marco asked.

“Yeah”, Jean replied. 

“You know, you may be honest to others but you’re a terrible liar to me”, Marco chuckled.

“Huh??” Jean said, turning to face Marco. “I-I’m not lying!”

“You stuttered”.

“Ahh”.

The atmosphere grew quiet. He was lying and he knew it.

“What’s wrong Jean? Tell me”. Marco said as he softly placed his finger under Jean’s chin to look at him.

He sighed. “Every time we go out there and face those Titans I used to fear for my own life. I was selfish you know? But… now I have you and I don’t wanna lose you”.

“You won’t lose me”, he assured him.

“You don’t know that”. 

Marco moved back a bit to get a better look at his boyfriends eyes that were slightly filled with worry and sadness. He smiled and kissed him on the lips softly. 

“Well, that may be true but as long as we have each others back, we’ll be okay. You have my back right?”

“Always”.

They kissed again passionately, their tongues eagerly mapping out each other, savoring every inch of them.

It brought him back to the first time they made love in that same room. They were a giggling and awkward mess but they were each others first after all. The new feeling of being filled hurt Jean at first but Marco’s reassuring words and body praises were enough to relax Jean and made him realize he trusted Marco with everything. 

“I love you Jean”.

“I love you too”.

~~~~~~~~~~

He felt angry at himself for not being there for him… for not having his back like he said he would. Sure Marco was the captain of his squad and so he had his own to worry about but he should have been there to help him or to at least see how he went out. Wait… would he? Would he really have wanted to see him being eaten by a titan? The endless thoughts and memories were cut off by his eyes feeling heavy, finally drifting off to sleep…

~~~~~~~~~~

“Dammit where is he!?” Jean exclaimed, his voice filled with panic. Titans were coming from every corner and for nothing in the world could he find Marco. He sensed he was in trouble and didn’t even care about his own squad in the moment. All he cared about was finding Marco.

Everything was like a maze. Every turn he made looked the same as the turn he made just before. Using his ODM gear to get on the rooftops, they all turned slippery as he tried to land on them and so he’d land on the ground again.

“God dammit!! Marco!”. His cries grew more frantic, his heart racing as he struggled to stay on his feet. Turning a corner once more, his eyes grew wide at the sudden horror before him.

There he saw a titan, at least a 10 metered one holding Marco in a crushing grip.

“JEAN! HELP ME!”

“MARCO!” Jean cried as he tried to run towards him but couldn’t move. He tried to use his own gear but suddenly he wasn’t wearing any. “The hell?? Why now??”

As he looked up in horror, all he could do was see and hear the piercing cry Marco gave as the titan bit into his arm and chewed it off. He was dead.

“Why didn’t you save me?”, someone asked, making Jean whip around to stare wide eyed at Marco standing in front of him, blood covering the right side of his body.

“Marco! You’re -”

“Didn’t you say you would always have my back?”

“Jean!”

“W-what?? I looked everywhere for you! How could you say that!”

“Jean, wake up!”

“I died and it’s all your fault. You weren’t there for me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Jean!” (Y/n) yelled out as she shaked Jean’s body to wake him up from his nightmare. He shot up, his breathing unsteady and in heavy pants, sweat dripping from his forehead and his back. His body couldn’t stop shaking as he looked up to meet his eyes with (Y/n’s). He looked at the door to see Connie standing there too, worried as ever.

“Where’s Marco?? Where is he?? What happened??”, Jean questioned, searching the room again.

“Hey, hey you need to relax. You had a nightmare. Connie and I heard you from the other room yelling in your sleep. Take a deep breath please” (Y/n) said as she cupped his cheeks to have him focus on her. 

Jean’s eyes grew watery as he could no longer hold back and sobbed as (Y/n) held him close into a tight embrace. His breaths were shaky as he sobbed harder, clutching his fist to his chest in anger. Seeing her friend like this pained her as much as the thought of Marco being gone did.

“It’s gonna be hard Jean”, (Y/n) assured him. “It’s hard for all of us. He was our friend too”.

“He shouldn’t have died”, Jean cried out. “It should have been me”.


End file.
